17 Weeks

How far along? 17 weeks

Total weight gain: I'm still at 181, a total of 4 pounds down from pre-pregnancy.
Maternity clothes? I caved in and purchased maternity clothes this week.
Have you started to show yet: I sure am, but I feel like it's the awkward "Is she fat or is she pregnant?" kind of showing.
Stretch marks? Still no new ones
Sleep: I'm finding it difficult to get comfortable in our water bed, so I've been fitful.
Best moment this week: Seeing Little Booger kick by sitting a remote on my belly.
Miss Anything? Dr Pepper, as per usual. I really would love a pipe of Sola Fide.
Movement: Still lots of fluttering. They've gotten stronger!
Food cravings: No real cravings this week.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eggs
Gender: We still don't know, but I'm feeling boy.
Labor Signs: Definitely not.
Symptoms: Spider veins, feet swelling, headaches, memory failures.
Belly Button in or out? In. I doubt it could ever be out, thanks to the fat.
Wedding rings on or off? On, but bordering on off with the swelling.
Happy or Moody most of the time: This week has been weepy.
Looking forward to: The gender reveal in a month.

This week has been good as far as my health and the baby go, but it's been very difficult for me mentally. I spent years battling with anorexia and bulimia when I was a teenager, and I finally was reaching a point where it wasn't so hard to battle. I gained back a good forty to fifty of the sixty pounds I had lost by removing all forms of a scale from my house, and actually eating. I was still struggling with hating myself for my appearance, but all in all I was recovering.

And then I got pregnant.

While I have lost pounds, I have most definitely gotten larger. My pants won't button, my face is larger, my boobs are ridiculous. Maternity clothes find fat rolls I had no idea I had and makes them appear so noticeable, which has been great for my self-esteem. It has been so hard for me. I just keep telling myself that I have to eat normal portions of healthy foods for Little Booger, and despite what my weight gain (or lack thereof) shows, that's what I've been doing. I keep track of everything I eat to ensure I get my six grains, thee fruits, three veggies, three proteins, and three dairy products. I've been watching my calorie intake. I've been drinking loads of water.

I wish I had some nugget of wisdom to share on battling those feelings, but I don't. I simply remind myself every day that part of being pregnant is gaining weight, and being larger than I ever have been before.